FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS)

What is involved in Imago Couples Therapy?

How often do you see a couple? How many sessions will it take?

What if my spouse/partner or I need individual therapy or we are in individual therapy with someone else?

What should my spouse/partner and I do in order to start Imago Relationship Therapy?

Does Imago Relationship Therapy work for gay and lesbian couples? Do you work with gay/lesbian people?

What is an Imago weekend workshop?

Should we/I attend an Imago workshop or enter therapy with a Certified Imago Relationship therapist or a combination of both?

What can I expect to gain from a workshop?

Who is a good candidate for Imago Relationship Therapy or the Imago weekend workshops?

WHAT IS INVOLVED IN IMAGO COUPLES THERAPY?

Some of the steps involved in Imago Couples Therapy are first, a commitment to the process with a no exit decision while in therapy and second, teaching the couples dialogue about mirroring/validation/empathy. Then the processes of re-visioning and re-romanticizing the relationship, along with re-imaging the partner, restructuring frustrations and resolving any childhood rage is learned. These processes are facilitated by the therapist acting as a coach and creating emotional safety for the couple/individual to do the work necessary for healing, connection and growth. There is education about Imago, skills practice in session and homework involved outside of the sessions.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU SEE A COUPLE? HOW MANY SESSIONS WILL IT TAKE?

I see a couple/individual as often and for as long as necessary to deal with the issues they identify in their relationship that they want to address. How often and how long I work with someone depends on such things as the intensity of the defenses they have with each other, the vision they develop for their relationship, the specific issues they want to address, how emotionally wounded they are coming into therapy and how committed they are to doing their part for the relationship. Each spouse/partner must ask themselves what they do to contribute to the ongoing problems and what they are willing to do about it. It is not about finding the right partner; it is about being the right partner for each other in a way that is healing and growth-filled for both. I would work with a couple on a weekly basis or every two weeks if that is the appropriate pace for them. A couple in crises would probably need more frequent sessions. To see a couple every three weeks starts to raise the question of how committed they are to doing the work of Imago therapy, but each situation is unique. Some couples/individuals come into therapy only when they are in a crisis mode. Once the immediate stress is relieved they terminate therapy. Other couples/individuals commit to six or twelve sessions at a time until they have assimilated the skills to sustain healthy relationships. The success of Imago Relationship Therapy for you has a lot to do with commitment to the process of staying in dialogue with your spouse/partner, no matter what your fears are, imagined or real.

WHAT IF MY SPOUSE/PARTNER OR I NEED INDIVIDUAL THERAPY WITH YOU OR WE ARE IN INDIVIDUAL THERAPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

As a general rule, I will not see you or your partner individually if I am working with you as a couple. Individuals in couples counseling with me who need individual counseling would be referred to another licensed therapist. If either spouse/partner is in counseling with another therapist, then I would request them to sign a release of information so that I can consult with their therapist to coordinate treatment so that we both have a fuller picture about what is occurring so as to avoid any possible conflicting treatment goals. If I am working with an individual who decides he/she wants to have their spouse/partner come in and both of them see me as a couple, I would do that if the spouse/partner is agreeable. I would first make sure the individual who initially came into therapy understood that I would no longer be seeing them as an individual and would refer them if necessary.

WHAT SHOULD MY SPOUSE/PARTNER AND I DO IN ORDER TO START IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY?

INFORM yourself about Imago, MAKE A DECISION about what you want in your relationship(s) and FOLLOW THROUGH. Read Dr. Harville Hendrix’s or other author’s books on Imago. If you are not into reading whole books, read chapters you are interested in or articles about Imago. Maya Kollmans’ article in the “About Imago” section of this website would be a good start. Do a web search on Imago Relationship articles. Watch Oprah! She believes in Imago and has had Dr. Hendrix on several times. If you are not into reading, then order a DVD or CD about Imago. Imago material is available at www.imagorelationsips.com. Email me questions, call and ask me questions, schedule an initial session with a Certified Imago Therapist, schedule an Imago weekend with an Imago Workshop Presenter. Do whatever you are comfortable with, but start this lifetime journey to connecting, healing, growth-filled relationships. The time, energy and money involved will be the best investment you can make because it will affect in a positive way other areas of your life.

DOES IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY WORK FOR GAY AND LESBIAN COUPLES? DO YOU WORK WITH GAYS/LESBIANS?

Yes and yes. Imago Therapy can work for all couples/individuals no matter what their sexual orientation, their ethnic or racial background, religion, personal history, or level of education. Relationship issues are fairly universal but I should note that gays and lesbians have certain issues particular to their relationships that need to be acknowledged and addressed that other couples might not have. Examples would include social stigma, family rejection, invisibility, internalized homophobia, lack of support, etc. It is similar to addressing specific issues for couples of various cultural or religious backgrounds, e.g. rigid male/female roles in certain cultures that might need to be addressed for the sake of the relationship.

WHAT IS AN IMAGO WORKSHOP/WEEKEND?

Imago weekends are usually Friday evening until Sunday late afternoon workshops that include lectures, guided imagery exercises, written exercises, partner’s dialogue and communication processes. A workbook is provided for your use during and after the workshop. While you are invited to share with the group to help build a supportive atmosphere, you are not pressured into unwelcome self disclosure. The workshop emphasizes partners’ privately sharing with each other. Confidentiality is emphasized in order to create a safe and comfortable environment. Support therapists are available to help explain the exercises and to provide helpful therapeutic interventions.

SHOULD I/WE ATTEND AN IMAGO WORKSHOP OR ENTER THERAPY WITH A CERTIFIED IMAGO THERAPIST FIRST OR A COMBINATION OF BOTH?

This decision is a matter of personal preference. Some individuals/couples are more comfortable educating themselves about what Imago is first and then start working with a Certified Imago Therapist in weekly or bi-weekly sessions. After a certain point they chose to attend a couples/singles workshop for a more condensed experience of say three to six months of therapy. Other individuals/couples feel a need for a condensed experience of Imago Therapy very early on after being exposed to the ideas about Imago. They register for a weekend and then seek therapy with an Imago therapist after the weekend only when they feel a need.

WHAT CAN I EXPECT TO GAIN FROM A WORKSHOP?

In a couples workshop you can expect…to discover why the very qualities that attracted you to your partner now often drive you crazy; to gain new awareness of why you chose your partner and what is underneath your frustrations; to develop new communication skills that break destructive cycles of relating; to learn how to take the energy from arguing and use it to cultivate safety, passion and joy; to create new ways to re-romanticize your relationship; to re-establish the excitement and connection of your early time together; to gain greater compassion for your partner and yourself; to help each other get in adulthood what you might not have received in childhood; to get the benefit of three to six months of therapy; and to learn how to use your relationship for emotional healing and spiritual evolution.

In a singles workshop you can expect…to identify your Imago, the fantasy or “ghost partner” that your unconscious mind, which has a hidden agenda of it own, has chosen for you; to break from those patterns (both good and bad) in your parents’ relationship that you have unknowingly internalized as an acceptable relationship mode; to recognize the “wounded child” syndrome that might make you place unrealistic expectations on your partner without you realizing it; to learn and benefit from every past relationship; and to achieve the mature, nourishing and enduring love that can immeasurably enrich our life.

WHO IS A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY OR THE IMAGO WEEKEND WORKSHOPS?

Actually, therapy with a Certified Imago Therapist or attending the Imago couples workshop is appropriate for you if you want to enrich a good relationship; if you are beginning a relationship you want to keep; if you are in a difficult relationship and want to resolve longstanding conflicts; or if you are near break-up and want to decide if the relationship can be saved.

The Imago singles workshop or individual therapy with a Certified Imago Therapist is appropriate for you if you are single, disillusioned with love and relationships and never quite seem to meet “the right person;” if you are divorced, and struggling to discover “what went wrong” and “what can I learn from my experience of significant relationships;” if you are widowed, and searching to “begin again” but are not sure how to be in another relationship. To locate a Certified Imago Relationship therapist or an Imago Couples/Singles weekend workshop in your area, go to www.imagorelationships.com and click on “Find a Therapist” or “Find a workshop”.